I HAVE THREE KIDS!!!!

Okay, okay, okay. So once again I have fallen waaaay behind on blogging. Ugh! I don't want to miss these milestones so I am really (for reals this time) going to try to update this blog regularly.

I'm going to start at the beginning. I want to talk about my third and final birth story. It was such a different experience than the first two that I want to write it down while it's still somewhat fresh in my mind so I don't forget too much.

We checked into the hospital at 10 am on Monday August 29, 2011. It was Sam, my mom, my little sister and me. They got me to my room right away. I was still pretty calm. The nurses started going over all paper work with me and they started my IV. Then my doula came in and my older sister too. We were all just laughing and talking...my doula also gave me a foot massage. At about 11:45 the nurse anesthetist came in to talk to me about pain control. I talked to her about my experience with morphine in the past and how I didn't like the way it made me feel. She was soooo nice and said that normally they put morphine in the spinal when they give the spinal but she didn't have to do that if I didn't want to. I didn't. Also we talked about pain management after the surgery and I explained to her how sensitive I am to medicines so I didn't need the full dose of morphine they usually give. So she instead ordered a half dose for my pain pump of only 1 mg. This conversation made me feel soooo much better about everything. I felt like, although I didn't have 100% control of what was going to happen I at least had some input on things. Something that I did not feel before when I gave birth to Collin & Gwen. I know that they have me morphine in my spinal with Gwen without consulting me and I'm pretty sure they gave me versed as well. :-(
At around 12:05 they said they were ready for me to walk down to the OR. I started getting nervous at this point but not too bad yet. Sam, my doula Trish and I started down the hallway. I said my goodbye to Sam since he couldn't go in the OR when my spinal was placed. Trish could though which I was soo thankful for.
When I walked into OR it was so cold and the bed was so much smaller than I remember it. The nurse anesthetist had me sit on the edge of the bed while she did her thing on my back. Trish was in front of me and I put my head on her shoulder while the spinal was being placed. I was still calm at this point. It didn't really hurt at all. Once she was finished she had me lay down on the bed. They put my legs in a frog leg position so they could insert the catheter and that is where I lost it. I hated the feeling of my legs being tingly yet I couldn't move them and or shake them to wake them up. I just said to Trish "I don't like this, I don't like this" over and over again. They put my legs straight after the catheter was in and I could feel that they were straight but my anxiety was already through the roof and it just wasn't a pleasant experience after that.
They started scrubbing my belly with what felt like a pumice stone. It felt so weird since I was starting to numb but wasn't all the way numb yet. Again another freak out moment. Trish stood by me and held my hand. She also started to help me regulate my breathing. So she said, "okay deep breath in...now breathe out..breathe in...breathe out" she said that over and over and it helped me calm down. It seemed like forever until Sam came in but at that point I was so focused on my breathing and Trish's voice to stay calm that it was probably a good thing that he didn't come in sooner. I heard him come in and then only about 4 min. after he was there Oliver was born.


After he was out and I heard him cry I felt better but I was ready to be done and out of that room. However I got a tubal so it took a little longer to finish up. I started to freak out again because I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like they were working so high up on my body. There was a curtain draped over my chest but if felt like they were working up around my boob area and pushing down so hard that I couldn't breathe. Sam stayed with Oliver and Trish stayed with me while I freaked out again and kept saying that I didn't like this and I wanted to sit up. Finally the nurse anesthetist asked me if I wanted something to calm me down. I said yes. Dr. Dillard overhead this conversation and asked the nurse who was cleaning up Oliver if she could please bring him to see me. I yelled that I didn't want to see him right then. Then I heard Dr. Dillard say that if I got something to calm me down then I might not remember seeing Oliver later. So I yelled that I didn't want to medicine after all. The nurse brought Oliver over to me and I immediately calmed down.


I am so appreciative to Dr. Dillard for giving me that information about taking the medicine would have made me out of it. The nurse took Oliver back to the nursery with Sam and I stayed in the OR to get sewn up. I kept asking how much longer it was going to take. Finally I was out of there and back in my recovery room. We told the nurses that we didn't want them to give Oliver a bath right away so he could come see me in recovery as soon as possible.
While in recovery I starting shaking soo bad. Trish explained that this is called the "after birth shakes" and is completely normal. I never had it with Collin & Gwen probably because I was so drugged up. She gave me another foot massage where she pushed some pressure points on my feet and it helped the shakes a lot. After about 30 min. Sam arrived in the recovery room with Oliver and I got to hold him in my arms for the very first time.


And nurse him

It was magical. The best part is I remember everything! I'm so appreciative to everyone for allowing me to have a wonderful birth experience. My wonderful doctor, my wonderful Doula, my amazing, outstanding husband and my wonderful family.

Big Fat Liar

What happened to me saying I was going to update this blog often? Yah, I have no idea. I'm so bad.

I'm going along pretty well in this pregnancy. My biggest complaint is my weight gain. I went to the doc yesterday and I've already gained 20 lbs. Yet I'm carrying so small. Seriously it just looks like my ass is pregnant. From the front my belly looks like I've just eaten a big meal. With the tape measure I measure right at 24 weeks but when I stand up it all just spreads out.

Anyway, it makes me somewhat depressed. Since I'm depressed I just want to eat. Since it's 85 degrees outside I want to eat ice cream or something. Since I'm a fat ass I know I shouldn't so instead I'm forced to deal with my anger and emotions and it's nooooo fun!

I've really been good about emotions and mood swings so far during this pregnancy as well. So far no major panic attacks, no ridiculous crying, etc. The one strong emotion that does keep creeping up is anger and general annoyance. That is probably due to my depression about my weight.

The baby has been moving a lot though. That is really special. The kids have been able to feel some kicks/punches too and they think it's really cool. Although on Mother's Day (probably because I laid in bed most of the day) the kid was moving around for like 2 hours straight. I kind of started to get worried but he eventually calmed down. He's sooo low too that he is constantly jumping up and down on my bladder. Not cool. I carried The Bull the same way and whenever hubby would make me laugh when I was pregnant with him I would straight up pee my pants. (TMI???) It hasn't happened with this one so far. I'm doing my kegals so hopefully it won't. :-)

I also got my cervix measured yesterday...exciting I know....and it's 6 inches. According to my doc I have like "the longest cervix ever". Ummm....thanks?

On to non-pregnancy related news, I took Goldilocks to her kindergarten screening this morning. She was worried about it. She didn't want to get any of the answers "wrong". Afterwards though she was fine and reported that she got all of the answers right. They don't tell the kids whether they got the answers wrong or right but I'm glad to hear she's confident she did well.

I'm taking The Bull to the doctor this afternoon to have a weird growth on his neck examined. I'm a little worried about it since he says it hurts. I love our pediatrician and I'm confident that if anything is wrong she will catch it.

That's all I got.

Goldilocks turns 5!

Well I haven't exactly been updating this blog as much as I had hoped to so this post will involve a lot of pictures to tell the story since it's really just highlighting Goldilocks' 5th birthday party.

IT'S A......

I'm not just pregnant...I'm fat

I was pretty sick from about 6-12 weeks of this pregnancy. During that time I didn't gain any weight. Since then I've gained over TEN POUNDS!! For those of you doing the math at home that is 10 lbs. in about 6 weeks or almost 2 lbs. a week! If I keep this up I will gain about 40 more lbs. before this pregnancy is done.

I'm really not trying to worry about it but I gained 70 lbs. when pregnant with The Bull and 50 when pregnant with Goldilocks (10 of which I never lost). I just want to be healthy and I am not making very healthy choices lately. I justify it by taking my prenatal vitamins very regularly but I know that eating all this junk food is not good for me or the baby. Plus, I know how hard it is to maintain a healthy weight with two children it will be just that much harder with three.

Also I know SO MANY people who are pregnant right now and most of them are due right around the same time as me. All of them have a cute baby bump and I still don't. I have a huge ass and thunderous thighs but no cute little belly bump. In the morning my stomach is still pretty flat although it has grown some extra fat rolls. When I lay on my back I have very round bulge in the lower abdomen but when I stand up it spreads out and I just look like a fatty.

I'm just venting, obviously I'm not doing anything to change this and going on a diet is completely out of the question but I would really appreciate it if I could get a little belly soon so I could feel little more pregnant and a little less fat.

Regarding the poll on the right side of the blog

We find out what we're having on Thursday. I'm beyond excited!! At first I didn't want to find out the sex. We have one of each as it is so I'm not one of these parents that is really hoping for one of the other. Although, for some reason I feel like it's a boy and I will be really shocked if it's a girl.

Speaking of "it" we've nicknamed the baby "coconut". We came to that name because a couple of weeks ago I was sitting on the couch reading one of my pregnancy book and Prince Charming was sitting next to me watching tv and Goldilocks was right near us coloring with The Bull and I mentioned that the baby can hear outside noises.

Without skipping a beat Goldilocks looks up from her coloring book and says, "What's up Coconut?"

It was hilarious and we all cracked up. Anyway, the name stuck.

So if you want to vote on the sex of Coconut please do so. I've given you the normal options of boy and girl but Goldilocks is really hoping for a mermaid so there is that option too. ;-)

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree

I learn so much from my kids. Most of the time I learn a lot about myself. Whether it be my lack of patience, my intense capacity of love, my rude behavior or how horrible I sound when I say mean things. (Have you ever heard your child say something that you yourself have said and when you hear it back out of their sweet little mouth it sounds about 5 bazillion times worse? Ugh, I cringe at those moments)

Today I learned a lot about my anxiety from my son. I took him to the dentist to get sealants on his 6-year molars. No big deal right?

WRONG!

First of all, let me start at the beginning of the story. His top front tooth has been loose FOR.EV.ER! It is literally hanging on my a thread and it is DRIVING ME CRAZY! It looks so horrible and is starting to turn gray. I want to rip it out sooooo bad but I have thus far controlled myself. I did, however, tell him that he had all of Spring Break to pull it out himself or else when we went to the dentist this morning I was going to have them pull it out for him. He agreed that he would let them pull it out.

That was my first mistake. I should have known that he was pulling a fast one on me there. HE won't pull it out, he won't let ME pull it out...he won't let me wiggle it or even look at it very long. What was I thinking believing that he was going to let some total stranger rip it out? But I digress.

While we're in the waiting room he is running all around and in generally good spirits. When they call us back to the exam room he lays right down and then hears me talking about my plans for them to pull the tooth out after they do the sealants like him and I had talked about. Well, that sets the tone for the whole appointment.

As soon as they start messing with the loose tooth he starts FREAKING out! He says it's hurts. So the hygienist put some topical numbing medicine on the gums and tells him we will let that tooth get tingly while she works on his sealants. The first step of the sealants is brushing the tooth so it's clean before it's sealed. So she starts polishing it with that thing that sounds somewhat like a mini drill. He freaks out and says it hurts. Then she blows air on it to dry it. He starts kicking his legs and says it hurts. It's freaking AIR! Then she has to put this cotton thing lined with plastic in between his tooth and his cheek so no stuff gets on his cheek and he says that PIECE OF COTTON hurts. Next she paints on the stuff with A PAINTBRUSH and he freaks out and says that hurts. I mean it was everything. The hygienist was trying to be nice and told him there is a difference between something that feels weird and something that hurts and she needs to know if something is REALLY hurting or if he is just scared because something feels different.

Okay, the logical side of me totally understood where she was coming from but the freaked-out-mess part of me that is also, unfortunately, a part of my son knew that when you're all worked up like that....they are basically the same thing. Long story short she ended up trying to make things better by giving him nitrous thinking that would calm him down....it didn't. It just made him say he had a stomach ache along with being all worked up and freaked out. Then her and I talked and although I really wanted the tooth out at that appointment his well-being is waaaay more important so we told him we would ABSOLUTELY not mess with the loose tooth today. It still didn't really calm him down...the damage was already done. But 50 minutes later, for something that should have taken 15, the sealants were on all 4 teeth.

Now, I mention this whole convoluted story because THIS IS SOOOOO ME! But what I realized today was how ridiculous it all is. When you're inside the vortex of a panic attack there is really nothing anyone else can do calm you down. The mind is a powerful thing. I know this. But today's perspective on the whole thing makes me realize a little bit how sometimes things that seems like a huge deal are really not that big of deal and HOPEFULLY when I am in the throws of one of my own panic attacks I can look back on this experience and calm myself down by realizing that whatever it is that I'm panicking about is probably not that big of a deal. Like the hygienist said, "there is a difference between things that feel different and things that hurt".

****UPDATE*****

So while I was at the dentist they did in fact confirm that the tooth was hanging on by a thread. She showed me how to take dental floss and slide in between the gum and the tooth and pop the tooth right out. Well when The Bull (he's a huge Chicago Bulls fan these days and a Taurus) got home from school I tried out my technique on him after a few minutes of fighting and the tooth really did pop right out with no effort on my part and flew across the room. Yay! Finally!!